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"When you don’t know who you are anymore"

Gemma has experienced high generalised anxiety for around 15 years and has recently been diagnosed with PTSD. To help her deal with difficult events in her life she started to write poetry, here she shares one with us.

Trigger Warning: Miscarriage 

Gemma has experienced high generalised anxiety for around 15 years and has recently been diagnosed with PTSD.

She began to write when her second child Liam was born, he had extreme physical disabilities that they were unaware of until birth. Gemma also experienced forms of neglect and abuse through childhood and early adulthood. She recently lost her son, Deucalion, at just under 20 weeks pregnant in January of this year and Liam almost died last September due to a brain infection. Since then she has been struggling more with her anxiety.

These experiences in her life have bought her to write poetry as a way to express her feelings, to give as gifts to loved ones and to help and inspire others. 

Here she shares a newly written poem:

When you don’t know who you are anymore,
Walk the streets head to the floor,

Numb from all the hurt inside,
Gone is that woman who had some pride,

Physically and emotionally drained
A heart that feels so pained

You reach out to those so dear
Out of hurt but mostly fear,

Fear for the robotic being you are
The person you were seems so far

Anger betrayal guilt and tears
I can’t be like this for years

Tear streamed face lost in the crowd
This pain it echoes oh so loud

I need to smile I must be strong
But I can’t keep this mask on so long

“I must do this, I can’t do that”
Feels each attempt it only falls flat

I look to the clouds way above
Praying to those 2 that I love

Please correct me if I’m being wrong
Help me find that woman who’s strong

Anxiety depression like an empty glass
From all the pain and scars from the past

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