Trigger Warning: Contains references to self-harm and suicide. To protect privacy, some names and photos in this story may have been changed.

I suffer from complex PTSD, Emotional Unstable Borderline Personality Disorder and anxiety and after going into lockdown in March, I reached out to The Lighthouse for help.

I found it really hard to send the first text to The Lighthouse. I find it hard to trust and talk to others because of my past experiences and because of my low confidence, I had it drummed into my head I was a bad person and didn't deserve to get any help; that I was worthless and nobody would want to help me.

The first time I used The Lighthouse service I was really struggling that night. I was so nervous that it took me over half an hour to send the first text, but when I did it was the best thing I had done in a long time. The person at the other end of the phone was so kind, supportive and really easy to talk to.

Since then, I have been supported by some amazing people at The Lighthouse in my difficult and dark times. I remember another time I had just received some really bad news, and I text The Lighthouse and someone called me back. I was crying on the phone and he just sat with me till the feeling had passed. By the end of the phone call he had made me laugh we talked about my Pokémon tattoos! It really took my mind of all the bad things going on that night.

Claire has been such a big help when I was feeling really bad about myself and felt I was not worth anything. She asked me to write down good things about myself and when I said that I can’t, we wrote stuff down together.

Simon was also there when I almost self-harmed but he called just as I was about to. He was so supportive and he spoke to me for a while to make sure I was calm and I wasn't in distress.

I have spoken with Lou a few times, and he has been such a big help when I have felt alone and needed the help and support. Lou also invited me to join a Solent Mind peer support group as I don’t have many friends and my family live in London. I was so nervous about doing the Zoom group each week but now I attend most of the time and met some really nice people.

The group have set up Walk and Talk and Sit and Chat groups and I really would like to go, but unfortunately my anxiety won't let me leave the house at the moment. Lou said there is no rush, that we can do it in my own time and pace and that Lou and Dee will support me to attend. They’ve been so helpful.

I would like to thank Lou, Simon, Claire, Jacob, Dee and everyone at The Lighthouse, you are all amazing, supportive and you all are doing a wonderful job. Hopefully one day my anxiety will let me come in and use The Lighthouse hub when its re-opened.

I have learned a lot from people at The Lighthouse. They have shown me that not all people are the same and there are people out there that care. The Lighthouse has been the little light at the end of my tunnel. I know I have a way to go, but I know they are there if I need their support.