Wellbeing Practitioner and military partner Holly is ensuring military families get the emotional wellbeing support they need and deserve. Read her story below.
People often assume that military partners knew what they signed up for, or that those who get into the military life come from military backgrounds themselves, but that’s just not true.
When you become a military partner, you’re absorbed into a world that isn’t yours - and one there isn’t a guidebook for. You have to learn a lot very quickly, and become accustomed to new acronyms, ways of doing things and living.
And, although we adapt to it, it’s important to note that we live in the middle ground of being military and being civilian. Never quite being either one!
Being a military partner can be very isolating. You have to move regularly to different places far away from your support circles, and, unless your friends and family are military, they won’t understand the unique circumstances you face.
Being a military partner can also be very lonely, and brings with it so much uncertainty around where you’re going to be living, how long your partner will be around for, and how it’s going to impact your family plans or career.
The emotions you go through around deployment can be really difficult to manage too. I used to go through an extreme set of mood swings around my partner leaving and coming back; emotions that I’d also feel ashamed of having.
As someone who has experienced anxiety, deployment would trigger a lot of other things. I’d worry about whether or not my partner and I would still get on when he came home after a long time away, and if we’d have the same connection as we did before. I’d also worry about things like needing to catch up on months’ worth of home life admin before he was due to return home.
I also used to book nice things for when my partner was due to go away and use that time to really focus on myself. Now we have a child together, so I plan ahead to try and make life easier - for example, I’ll batch cook meals, line up extra support and cut back on social engagements ahead of his deployment.
Whilst feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety can be commonplace amongst all military partners, what triggers them can vary depending on how the military fits in with their lives. It can also depend on whether they have children or not, or whether they live with their partner or not.
That’s why the support that I help Solent Mind provide to military families is so varied and specific to each person’s own needs.
It’s all provided, however, with a view to make military partners feel less isolated by the quirks that military life brings, and to recognise the impact that being a military partner can have on us. We want military partners to feel heard, and have the tools and skills to manage the challenges they face.
It’s the kind of support that I wish I had when I first started dating my now spouse.
Anchoring Minds is our emotional wellbeing service providing support to Royal Navy and Royal Marine serving personnel and their families.
Support can be on the phone, face-to-face if you’re living in Hampshire, or by accessing our free online resources if you live further away, or are on deployment.
