Trigger warning: Reference to suicide

I am a 54 year old male who’s life has been a roller coaster of emotions for the past 35 years. My highs have been beyond high; from the marriage to my wife, the birth of my daughter and the creation of my own company, to being fortunate enough to travel the world and see amazing things.

The lows in my life however, have also been abnormally low, which I was able to control and accept for some time, but when your lows seem never ending and you feel so alone your thoughts can take over the rational you and your low’s become lower. 

I started to think, why me? Why anyone? What’s the meaning of life?

We may never know why some people go through life untouched by hardships such as death, illness, mental health and addictions. What does it take to change your existence, bringing you to wish for it to end?

To others struggling as I have been, I believe I know what you feel and what you think. We are all different yet similar, we all perhaps go through the same traumas but at different times.

I found that reaching out, in what could have been my final hours, was the only way to save myself and save my family and friends from what some would see as a selfish act. At the time in my mind it answered my problems, peace at last.

I was wrong.

There would have been no peace for the people left behind. 

So I stayed and fought. Even though I felt alone, I managed to seek the help that I so desperately sought and then found.

It was interaction with the good people of the world that made sure I survived; Doctors, nurses, therapists, psychiatrist’s etc, my loving wife and my heart centre my daughter.

NEVER think you're alone. There is always help for those who ask.

Good has not left the world, just currently under a cloud.

Stay safe, seek help.