(Content warnings: su*cidal thoughts, psychosis, assault, being sectioned) 

Four years ago, after a long decline in my mental health, I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and spent two months in St. James' Hospital.  It was a difficult time being confined to the wards and trying to come to terms with what had happened to me. I was diagnosed with psychosis and a possible delusional disorder and put on antipsychotic medication and antidepressants. 

While I was there, I had effectively been made homeless which added to the difficulties of coping with being committed to hospital.  After I left the hospital, I spent a night on the streets, and I was then placed in a B&B. I stayed there for 6 months, and I began my slow recovery.

I had weekly support with nurse from the Early intervention in psychosis team at St. Mary's Hospital for three years and, after a few accommodation moves, found myself finally in stable, good quality privately rented shared housing, which has been a major factor in my recovery. 

It’s taken about four years to reach the point where my conditions improved and I am now off of the medication. 

Difficult experiences

My problems with depression actually started in my twenties but 25 years ago, there wasn't much mental health support. If there was then it simply wasn't made apparent or advertised.  Because of this I spent a great deal of my twenties suffering with severe depression and feelings of suicide and essentially just tried to press on with working life as best I could without assistance.

I suffered a traumatic experience as a teenager which had left me with feelings of an undue sense of responsibility and guilt that I wasn't able to do more to protect my family during a physical assault.  

In a separate incident I had suffered a severe concussion and spent three weeks recovering mostly in bed, something which is now known to be an incorrect recovery plan. I suffered feelings of confusion and being lost on my return to school and received no support. I also suffered two minor TIA strokes in my early thirties, which may have exacerbated my difficulties with mental health and wellbeing.

Why mental health support matters

When I was in my early thirties, my father and my aunt died, my marriage broke up and I began to struggle again.  Again, mental health support was not readily available but fortunately I was financially able to escape my life to a different city where I spent two years supporting myself and recuperating.  

Looking back, I can see that I suffered a lot and that these feelings and difficulties, when left untreated, inevitably get worse and reappear at difficult times in our lives.  There was no one to say to me that having thoughts of suicide and feelings of despair is not a normal way of being, and that you don't have to suffer in silence.

Although my diagnosed conditions have now improved, I still have difficulties with day-to-day tasks and suffer with mild depression. I am having a second course of talking therapy to help with problems with sleep and exhaustion related to those childhood traumatic incidents.  

Fortunately, with much research over the years and the great work undertaken to improve public policy and develop charity and NHS support for mental health conditions, we now have a system that can help at an early stage in mental ill health.

It doesn't matter how small or insignificant we think our difficulties are, if we know that something is not right, we now have the opportunity to reach out and make that first call for help, knowing that there will be someone at the end of the line who understands and can signpost us to further support before we end up in crisis.

Equally, if things have already become extremely difficult and we feel that we are already in crisis or despair, then it's never too late to seek help and have a friendly, compassionate and helpful voice at the end of the phone line to signpost us to further support. 

Lived experience participation with Solent Mind

Taking part in lived experience participation with Solent Mind really helped me rebuild my shattered confidence after being in hospital for two months. This is something that I have developed over the last three years, and it has been a big part of my recovery.

Sitting on interview panels showed me that I can have an opinion which is valid, respected and appreciated and rebuilt my sense of being involved in teamwork. Speaking at the staff conferences has returned my confidence at public speaking and has kick started my progress with finding more regular inspirational public speaking which will hopefully in the future become an income stream.

I would say that I have become a voice for mental health lived experience, an ally of people with physical disabilities and an advocate for voluntary work. I now also undertake lots of training, which recently included Mental Health First Aid and Advocacy courses.